A whole week has passed since our church came back from the annual retreat, held at Port Dickson this time. Never did I imagine, 10 years back, when I attended another retreat at Port Dickson as a primary school student, would I actually step foot on its soil once again, albeit in a different resort.

This time, as a 19-year-old, I had lots more responsibilities to bear, and certainly lots more on my mind. The trip was hard-earned; I was made to tether in the unknown for months by my superiors (and even in Taiwan) until 3 days before the trip, when my leave was easily - and coolly - approved. And with that I left behind all my burdens, unhappiness and the like in camp. Just God, the church, and I.

ISN'T IT AMAZING HOW GOD WORKS?

This 200km journey up north (and back down) was, to me, akin to the journey Nehemiah took to rebuild Jerusalem's decimated city walls. As the sermons focused on Nehemiah's remarkable walk with God, they have aligned my path to God parellel to his. I am thankful that God has revealed to me that I, a sinner, needs the desperate repentance of Nehemiah's to start this reconstruction within me.

My week back in Singapore hasn't been perfect. I had scolded (and sweared!) unnecessarily to a subordinate when I knew I shouldn't, and I actually lost my temper over something which, on hindsight, seems so trivial, but it was - and always has been - something I've grasped so tightly and refused to let go. But by the guiding of the Holy Spirit I have been edified from these incidents, even by non-Christians! One sentence from them and it made my whole week. It's truly amazing how God has let the people around me see the change in me.

I'M NOT PERFECT, BUT I'M WILLING TO CHANGE...

In fact, I've came back carrying more burdens than I've imagined. But it has been God's calling, His way of calling me to bear the cross. I've felt that I'm now responsible over certain people, over certain ministries, and it has been difficult trying to stomach them. But I've learnt to realise that "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:5).

AND I'M NOT GONNA LET GOD DOWN.

If there's one lesson of Scripture I've truly taken away from this retreat, it is this: At the end of the day, I want to feel like the Apostle Paul (in 2 Timothy 4)

7I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day.