This Parking Lot...

Time to say goodbye

2011-02-23T00:26:00.002+08:00

Yeah, I've decided to call time on this place.

I'm moving on to a new environment.

http://oldtraffordpressbox.tumblr.com/

See you there.

My eventful absence

2010-10-16T01:55:00.002+08:00

Okay. So people actually complained that I've not updated my blog for a long, long time. But what else can I say? That many things happened and I've to note them down detail by detail? I don't really see the need. Then again, I've had quite an eventful period during which I did not update the blog.

So basically my life in the past 2 months - inspiration courtesy of Jian Da - has been something like this:

Book in, book out, enjoy my weekend

...

And the cycle continues...

Until ORD on 4th November, that is. So there.

Keep watch!

2010-08-24T20:48:00.000+08:00

If my life were a rollercoaster ride, then I must say recently it has been one hell of a ride! Indeed, recently I've been through a lot, and even so it seems to me like more of an understatement. Sometimes, it really takes an important - painful even - to wake you up and make you see the world around you...

Okay. So I'm basically very, very bothered by an egregious mistake I made during evaluation. Regrettably to say, me and my buddy was caught during outfield sleeping during sentry. And while I was, initially, apprehensive about the remarks due to some factors that might mitigate the punishment or even to the extent of clearing my name, I soon realised that I was indeed at fault, and I've got no choice but to take it like a man.

BUT...

What was very maddening was the way the punishments were... let's just say, presented to me. Just after that outfield, I fell sick and spent the whole National Day weekend in bed. And before I could recover, I received a call from my superior (shan't say who) about taking over somebody's duty ON THAT DAY ITSELF! I had no way of protesting because that was my punishment. So my block leave was interrupted, when it was due to start that day and give us a nice long break.

AND WHEN THINGS CAN'T SEEM TO GET ANY WORSE...

I received another call on Friday from the duty personnel, saying that the same arrow has shot me twice in a week, this time as SUNDAY GUARD!!! Great! My plans for Saturday night were effectively gone, including going to Marina Bay to watch the YOG Opening Ceremony. It wasn't till late - very late indeed - Saturday that I was told only to book in on Sunday morning, seemingly the best news for the whole week.

THIS IS JUST GREAT!

I couldn't help but become wholly depressed and emotional for the next few days, having endured so much s**t in the span of one week. I didn't want to tell anybody or let anybody find out about all these, and the hints I gave on Facebook were subtle (or at least I think it's subtle), but somehow friends could find out out of nowhere, such as when a good friend called the company office and I was the person answering.

BUT EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING

And mine did as soon as the guard duty finished...

STAY OUT COURSE!!!

Enjoyed every moment of it! And with time available now at night, most of them are spent outside with friends, doing the things I love the most. Although it's going to come to an end this week, I'm glad that I've recharged myself by the time this finishes. I wouldn't have any regrets, that's for sure.

And thank you friends and confidants so, so much for all the support you've been giving me. In the sense of the word, you guys really make me feel loved. I'm so blessed to be among you people and will always be grateful to you guys. :)

But after saying so much, you might be surprised to know that this is not my focus for today's post.

I want to talk about the lesson I've really learnt from that initial incident, and along the way, I've been edified and encouraged in the same way. Bear with me, but I think this, for me, is serious enough to warrant such a long post today.

The incident about me sleeping during outfield has bugged me, but none more than that inner voice that reminded of the uncanny similarity between that and the parables in the Bible that taught about the greatest secret ever kept: the time of Jesus' second coming. In a nutshell, it is about being vigilant, to make sure you are never caught off-guard, like I did.

So it says in Matthew 24:

42"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. 43But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. 44So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

45"Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? 46It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. 47I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 48But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, 'My master is staying away a long time,' 49and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. 50The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. 51He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

I have been reminded by this very passage about my lifestyle. I've realised I'm not doing enough - keeping vigil in this sense - to earn that all-important ticket to heaven. And I was greatly edified during sharing on Sunday, when some guys reminded me of the exact same thing from their experiences. Seems like this passage has gotten my attention, if that's what God is trying to tell me.

And when I think about the signs of the end times, where one will "hear of wars and rumours of wars" and experience "famines and earthquakes in various places". Truthfully, I think the biblical birth pains are getting more apparent and may I say, ominous.

So, let's keep watch together!

Song for Singapore - Corrinne May

2010-07-26T08:29:00.000+08:00

It's because of talented local singer-songwriters like Corrinne May that makes me so proud of Singapore.

"...I want to sing, sing a song for Singapore."

Loneliness

2010-07-25T23:04:00.003+08:00

Just came back from Sophia's 21st birthday bash at her place. From the looks of the atmosphere and the overwhelming response, it was, by far, a restounding success, and I can't help but wonder if my 21st will be anything close to that. I don't consider myself a popular kid - as most will attest - but I would wish to celebrate my big milestone with a supportive audience. People whom I love, people whom I trust, people whom I've had been through thick and thin with, people who are not ashamed to consider me as their friend.

Heard David Tao's 寂寞的季节 while hitchhiking Paul's car back home for the first time in a long while, and suddenly I felt a deep, longing sense of loneliness that's buried deep within my heart. The nostalgic melody and the equally saddening lyrics have made me realised how lonely I am for most parts of my 19 years. All my life, I haven't been the person with the most friends, and in truth I really wanted more out of it. But by God's grace, the few friendships I've made are truly built to last. And while I consider myself desperate (yes, on the record, that is probably the most apt word to describe it) for a girlfriend, I've hardly made any moves to girls I fancy till now... and I probably will not get one anytime soon - anytime being for the next year, at least.

Off all that, music has always been something I take solace in. As I've mentioned before, music will always be my first love, something nobody can ever take away from me. Despite my iPod Classic was stolen on Friday by - I suspect - buggers from another company in my camp, it hasn't dampen my love for music. In fact, I'm already wondering how I'm going to survive without music when I book in on Tuesday. And for the first time in my life, I'm seriously opening to the idea of making music my future career. If that's going to alleviate my loneliness.

Anybody wants to sell me his/her second-hand MP3 for a nominal fee? I'd be grateful. :)

Anyway, company cohesion tomorrow will be watcing movie, then I'll likely be going K with my army mates. It's been some time since we - and I - last went to KTV, so I'll definitely be trying out new tunes. And I hope to bring people who are out of this circle, so feel free to contact me if you want. Nothing better than to make new friends, right?

I guess it's time to keep loneliness at bay.

Sungha Jung's composing!

2010-06-26T20:24:00.003+08:00

Just realised Sungha Jung is releasing a CD and composing his own guitar pieces. Wow!

Love Sungha Jung, man!

And duty has been, well, slack. If not, how can I even blog? Haha.

Music emo freak

2010-06-20T21:44:00.002+08:00

What's the matter with me? Getting all sad and emotional from all that's gotta do with music.

Why am I getting uptight because I can't join the rest for karaoke? Why tears started streaming down when I listen to certain songs?

Alright, I'm a music emo freak. Oh well. Book-in time.

Retreat burdens

2010-06-19T23:56:00.002+08:00

A whole week has passed since our church came back from the annual retreat, held at Port Dickson this time. Never did I imagine, 10 years back, when I attended another retreat at Port Dickson as a primary school student, would I actually step foot on its soil once again, albeit in a different resort.

This time, as a 19-year-old, I had lots more responsibilities to bear, and certainly lots more on my mind. The trip was hard-earned; I was made to tether in the unknown for months by my superiors (and even in Taiwan) until 3 days before the trip, when my leave was easily - and coolly - approved. And with that I left behind all my burdens, unhappiness and the like in camp. Just God, the church, and I.

ISN'T IT AMAZING HOW GOD WORKS?

This 200km journey up north (and back down) was, to me, akin to the journey Nehemiah took to rebuild Jerusalem's decimated city walls. As the sermons focused on Nehemiah's remarkable walk with God, they have aligned my path to God parellel to his. I am thankful that God has revealed to me that I, a sinner, needs the desperate repentance of Nehemiah's to start this reconstruction within me.

My week back in Singapore hasn't been perfect. I had scolded (and sweared!) unnecessarily to a subordinate when I knew I shouldn't, and I actually lost my temper over something which, on hindsight, seems so trivial, but it was - and always has been - something I've grasped so tightly and refused to let go. But by the guiding of the Holy Spirit I have been edified from these incidents, even by non-Christians! One sentence from them and it made my whole week. It's truly amazing how God has let the people around me see the change in me.

I'M NOT PERFECT, BUT I'M WILLING TO CHANGE...

In fact, I've came back carrying more burdens than I've imagined. But it has been God's calling, His way of calling me to bear the cross. I've felt that I'm now responsible over certain people, over certain ministries, and it has been difficult trying to stomach them. But I've learnt to realise that "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:5).

AND I'M NOT GONNA LET GOD DOWN.

If there's one lesson of Scripture I've truly taken away from this retreat, it is this: At the end of the day, I want to feel like the Apostle Paul (in 2 Timothy 4)

7I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day.

Giant killers

2010-06-18T23:34:00.001+08:00

The World Cup's off and kicking with so many surprises. SoccerGuy here will choose his picks:

SOUTH AFRICA
overcame the odds and held Mexico to a 1-1 draw in the opening match with this fabulous strike.

UNITED STATES
amazingly held powerhouse England to a 1-1 draw, thanks to this mistake by goalkeeper Robert Green.

NORTH KOREA
has won the hearts of many through this Ji Yu-Nam goal despite losing to world no. 1 Brazil 2-1.

SWITZERLAND
stunned European champions Spain 1-0 to continue their 4-year-long World Cup run without conceding.

And as a sidenote...
My favourite player, Miroslav Klose of Germany, continued his World Cup phenomenal scoring by heading his 11th against Australia. But it was not meant to be; he was sent off in the next match against Serbia as Germany slumped to a 1-0 defeat.

Tears

2010-06-07T18:15:00.007+08:00

Everything that's happened in the past months has brought a tear in my eye. Perhaps it's because so much has happened, be it in Taiwan or in Singapore, or even what actually happened in Singapore when I wasn't around (it's complicated). Or perhaps it's the feeling, that dreadful feeling, when I'm about to book in in camp for the first time in 6 weeks.

IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH, I GUESS.
Nostalgia kicks in when I think about how wonderfully I enjoyed this 8 days of break. K-ed twice, hung out with my church mate and good friend Jun Hao for 4 consecutive days, watched 2 movies (and many more at home), had a good chat with many of my friends whom I've dearly missed in Taiwan (secondary schoolmates, you're next!), went prawning and steamboat with churchmates, and some other things I've already forgotten. So many things, yet it seems, so little time. And such cherished memories.

IT'S HARD TO LET GO.
And I know that I should've done many things differently. If I've done many things in another way, resolved problems more ideally, handled my emotions better, maybe things won't have ended up this way. It has come to this: embarking on a journey which has passed the point of no return. I don't like to, don't want to, don't wish to, but this path, it seems, is looming ahead of me. Walking aimlessly, I can't help but cry. How the hell am I going to book in later?

IF ANYONE WOULD JUST GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.
How I yearn for the day when

(Revelation 21)

How amazing it would be on the day that I'll never cry again, and everything I've done is erased and begin on a clean slate.

P.S. Please, please, please pray for me (if you believe in the power of prayer) that I'll be able to join my church for retreat this weekend!

A Taiwanese picture speaks a thousand words

2010-06-01T13:04:00.004+08:00

Thanks loads to our professional cameraman Jonathan for these memories!

Back from Taiwan

2010-05-31T23:01:00.001+08:00

Finally, after one month of epic outfields, epic shag-ness and epic fun in Taipei, I'm back in one piece. It has been a real rollercoaster ride in Taiwan (coincidentally, I sat my first rollercoaster ride there), but ultimately I have to thank God that He's brought me through everything.

I'm not going to journal my month's worth of my Taiwan experience on this entry. Firstly, it would be super bloody long and my readers will get bored even before they finished reading halfway. Secondly, some of the memories are definitely for keeps, and there are some that I don't think I can express them in mere words. Thirdly, I'm not at liberty to share some of these out publicly. So there.

Rather, I guess I would just post a little every time for the next few entries, be it in terms of full posts dedicated to them, random rantings, or just thoughts from my mind. I'm sure I'll have plenty to talk about.

The past month has certainly been a highlight in my NS, and I dare say, my life. I've learnt many things while conquering treacherous terrain, found out more about my flaws, and amazed myself by doing things I thought I couldn't do. More than once I really thought I would die - literally and figuratively - but somehow I survived all the ordeals. I got to see who are those who forsake you in times of trouble (and even during the fun!) and who are truly your friends. There's certainly a lot to take away from this trip.

To say the whole experience has been a sweet one is a lie, but from all the trials I've emerged a better person. I've equipped myself with new skills, and for all the shortcomings I've realised, to eradicate them and improve myself from this day onwards. And in times like these I've definitely seen God's own providence, that it's always enough for me.

Thank you all my friends in Singapore who have waited patiently and prayed fervently for me. Thank you all my army mates for the experience we've owned. And finally thank You Lord for everything.

Taiwan, here I come

2010-05-04T22:01:00.005+08:00

TAIWAN, HERE I COME!!!

I'll be back on 30th May, so take care of yourselves during this time. And don't miss me! HAHA!

It does not pay to be kind?

2010-05-01T10:03:00.005+08:00

At 0715 today, the radio DJ playing over my dad's car wished all listeners "劳动节快乐!". Yeah, right.

---------------------------

Okay. So I'm in camp now, having all the time in the world to write nonsense on this very post. But wait... You must be wondering why I'm in camp on a Saturday, and of all days, a public holiday. And then you think again, no sane person would want to, either. And I'm certainly not insane.

The story started on Tuesday, when I kindly took over Jian Da's guard duty because for some reason (restricted!!!) he couldn't make it. Mind you, it was with good intentions and he's a good friend of mine, and I think he knew that I would most probably be the only one in bunk willing to take his duty. I also had the best men, ever - they didn't even question my commands - and compassionate superiors on duty, so what could possibly go wrong?

And then, minutes before I'm gonna stand down (or in fact, already stood down technically), some big shot came and accuse my guys of standing down early, according to his "reliable" car time of 7:58 instead of 8:00. But in fact, the time in the guard room was way over the stand-down timing.

Got myself into hot water just like that, and was given 3x extra duty, but was later verbally reduced to the next consecutive overnight guard duty. Guess we all had to suck thumb and do it, and well, get over it. Fine.

So after all the sh*t has happened, I was looking forward to an uninterrupted weekend, enjoying my last before going overseas for training. If this was what we had to go through to earn it, it was worth the wait. But it was not to be. On Thursday evening I received news that I'm taking over duty today as an extra (and out of all people, me). So what now? Nothing counts? And to rub salt to the wound, some people could even just stand there and laugh at my predicament.

SO IT DOES NOT PAY TO BE KIND, DOES IT?

Despite the emotional trauma I've had to handle and all the angst raging inside me, I still got to thank some people who tried to (note that I used 'tried') help me get past this grudge. Especially to my PC, a Christian who shared with me similar testimonies and trying to lift my spirits. I think I'll have to apologise if I can't. But thanks loads for using Romans 8:28 to encourage me:

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

I'll certainly try to keep thinking positively, for now. For one, I'm not as angsty as yesterday - I did actually explode after I went home. For another, how busy can a weekend duty get?

But I need to know God is always with me. Please pray.

Thoughts after a long break

2010-04-25T21:30:00.003+08:00

Caught this on Friday...

ALONE!
(You must be wondering why.)

I mean, How To Train Your Dragon's a movie I was dying to catch, and I figured if no one wants to watch with me, then I might as well catch it myself. Yeah, it's a long time since I've watched a movie alone. But, aside from some weird people seating on either side of me, the experience has gone out well.

Okay. So I've come to the end of a much-treasured block leave, and it's time to go back and get prepared for Taiwan. I just wanna thank God for all the things He's blessed me with during this week. There were ups and there were downs (see earlier posts), but thankfully, the latter was never able to overshadow the former. So I guess, I'm ready to start afresh now.

Till next weekend - my last before my trip - God bless you all. :)

Free to Be Me - Francesca Battistelli

2010-04-23T02:23:00.002+08:00

Can't sleep, so I'm up at 2am and reflecting on my latest song I'm addicted to. It's Christian and the lyrics, well, basically just told my story out loud in 3 and a half minutes. Note the references within the lyrics; all I'll say is it'll make a good theme song for me this year.

At twenty years of age
I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can't always see

'Cause I've got a couple dents in my Fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own, I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders
I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl
I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right
And I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes, I would doubt

'Cause I've got a couple dents in my Fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces togethter
But perfection is my enemy
On my own, I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders
I can see
I'm free to be me

And you're free to be you!

Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart
And You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it's easy to believe

Even though
I've got a couple dents in my Fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own, I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders
I can see

I've got a couple dents in my Fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own, I'm so clumsy

But on Your shoulders
I can see
I'm free to be me

And you're free to be you!

Five Loaves and Two Fishes - Corrinne May

2010-04-21T23:41:00.002+08:00

This song never fails to get me whenever I listen to it. Especially with this video illustration:

By the way, thanks Jian Da and Shane for the wonderful singing and shopping. Jian Da, so now you know Bugis Street exists!

What a way to start my block leave...

2010-04-20T14:56:00.003+08:00

The next 7 days will be the good ol' days I enjoy being a civilian, having taken (or rather, being forced to) one week's worth of leave. It is, indeed, my utmost priority to enjoy this little islet of freedom amidst a world of, should I say, challenges. Yet, if everything that's happened yesterday was anything to come by, it certainly didn't bode well for the rest of the week.

Went rollerblading with my bunkmates yesterday, but arrived late at East Coast Park 'cause I overslept. Then, of course, I suffered fall after fall - this is the only second time in my life I tried this dangerous sport, and the first didn't exactly go well - landing awkwardly and bruising my hands as a result. And just when I've gotten a hang of how to manoeuvre, I realised that my handphone's missing. Great.

YEAH, IT NEVER RAINS BUT IT POURS.
So apparently my SIM card was taken out by some bugger who picked up my phone (one could tell from the tone heard after calling my number) and I had to terminate my line as soon as reality hit me. To think I spent hours blading up and down the track searching for my handphone thoroughly, and then ended up spraining my ankle. Now the spot's swollen, but at least I can walk normally again.

My night's spent on recovering my number and reporting the loss, instead of a planned stay-over at Alan's. But at least for now, my number's remained the same and I've borrowed my brother's unused handphone to tide over this period. Please identify yourself , though, when you message or call me because I've lost all my contacts with the SIM card missing.

GREAT. LIFE'S GREAT.
What a way to start my block leave.

Sick of Facebook

2010-04-18T23:02:00.005+08:00

I'm sick of Facebook. Officially.

I spend hours on Facebook, as do most peers my age. But what's the point when sometimes you get disappointed on Facebook, get addicted to it, or even get angry about it? And do you really know all your Facebook friends? At least I can honestly touch my heart and say that I know mine, not the result of random adding, as I know most do.

And the more important question is, are you sure your Facebook "friends" are truly your friends? Or are they just mere acquaintances, existing in your world with a hi-bye relationship? Sadly to say, I'm guilty as charged. So Facebooking all this while was a means to get updates from your "friends", all 500 of them? If they're really yours, can't they tell you by mouth? Or the phone?

I've also regretted adding/accepting friend requests from superiors; they're just plain evil trying to monitor your every move in life through underhand methods, oops, I mean Facebook. And the best part is, they try to condemn you online, in front of your own subordinates on Facebook, no less. Makes you look like a complete fool, that's what. You think if that's going to get my attention (or in army lingo, "waking up my idea") - announcing it to the whole world - you are completely mistaken! If you want further discord, or elicit even less cooperation from me, go ahead!

I'm officially sick and tired of all the updates, statuses and even photo tags that are intentionally crafted to aim at people you actually dislike, especially those aimed at me. Don't think they have gone unnoticed by me. If you're really unhappy about me, come up to me and say it. Yes, I'll get pissed, but I'll also give you the due respect to come up and correct me. Posting them on Facebook just proves how much of a coward you are.

I'll still continue to access it, if that's the only way to know what your friends are up to. And for my adversaries, if they're able to post anything uglier than they've already posted. One thing's for sure: I'll never see Facebook in the same way ever again.

Albums review, Vol. 1

2010-04-11T17:22:00.003+08:00

Had this idea of a post ever since I made the review on Guy Sebastian's album. So, here goes: I would love to have a post, say, every 6 months, on the best albums I've heard in the past half a year or so, taking on the role of a music critic giving remarks on the albums. Yeah, I guess that's what a self-proclaimed music freak should do, at least.

First up is an album which is, in the first place, not my kind of music. But if the person's Adam Lambert, and that I didn't even root for him during his American Idol stint (the honour went to our dear winner Kris Allen and Allison Iraheta), that shows how good his album, For Your Entertainment, is. Honestly speaking, I didn't even wanted to start listening to it, but I was eventually pleasantly surprised by the many varieties of his songs on his album. In fact, out of the 4 finalists who signed for Jive Records (Lambert, Allen, Iraheta and Danny Gokey), Lambert's album was, by far, the most diverse and thus, the least boring.
Recommendations: Music Again, Whataya Want from Me, Soaked

Moving on to another American Idol alumnus, whose debut album has all but made it to the charts, her second album finally showcase the type of artist she wants to be. Katharine McPhee's debut effort made me cringe with songs which are, obviously, not suitable for her, and thankfully, Unbroken would have none of it. Full of honest, heartfelt tracks, it may seem to you that the songs sound similar at first, but each of them tells a different story. Kudos to her for partnering Jason Reeves on Terrified, which became one of the defining moments in the album.
Recommendations: Terrified, Say Goodbye, Lifetime

This 19-year-old has been labelled "UK's answer to Lady GaGa", but take a listen to Pixie Lott's debut album Turn It Up and you'll know they are two different types of artists, save for two of her tracks Mama Do and Boys and Girls, which carry electro-pop sounds. Honestly, these two songs - tracks released as singles - I don't like them. The other tracks on the album are more genuine, showcasing her sweet vocals wonderfully, and yet not showy like Lady GaGa's. My favourite song on the album, Jack, would have made a perfect theme song for the recent Jack Neo saga, but again, she sang it genuinely and that made me fall in love with her songs. I would definitely choose her to Lady GaGa anyday.
Recommendations: Cry Me Out, Jack, The Way the World Works

Now onto some Chinese music. This next album is arguably the best album I've heard in a long, long time, save for Guy Sebastian's Like It Like That. Crowd Lu's (卢广仲) music has a weird sense of rock-'n'-roll, as how he described it, but it wasn't until his sophomore effort 七天 that I really took notice of it. Compared to his first album, this album is certainly more fun and enjoyable to listen, with his trademark Hawaiian-styled, laid-back kind of songs. At the same time, his songs are sung with such heartfelt emotions and conviction, especially on a couple of soft-rock romantic ballads featured in the album. There is hardly any song that I don't like, so much so that I've heard it over 10 times and still not get sick of it.
Recommendations: Oh Yeah!, 爱情习作, 听见了吗?

The final album for this review comes from our local backyard, who has improved by leaps and bounds since he broke into the music industry in 2005 by winning the first season of Project Superstar. Kelvin Tan's (陈伟联) first two albums were largely made up of tailor-made ballads and cover songs, recycled over and over again for the past 4-odd years. I'm definitely pleased that for his third album 走唱陈伟联 he decided to write his own songs - no easy feat for a blind singer! Using his guitar and vocals to good effect, his every song speaks of a story that one would more or less be able to relate at some point of his or her life. For me, this is probably his breakthrough album, and expect even better music in future.
Recommendations: 孤单好吗, 永远的朋友, 分手的情书

Hopefully I'll do this in another 6 months time, so meanwhile, enjoy your music. :)

I Will Always Love You - Lin Yu Chun (超级星光大道)

2010-04-10T23:51:00.001+08:00

This video is so viral, my Facebook home page is currently being flooded with uploads of it - now 7 and counting... So to continue this infection, I might as well post this here, too:

Saturday thoughts

2010-04-03T23:36:00.001+08:00

Kinda disappointed that Chelsea beat us at home. That threw the title race wide open again. So is a Rooney-less United side incapable of winning? I certainly hope not.

That aside, today's Agape Love event was a blast! And I'm glad I'm part of it. :)

So Manchester United may have lost today, but ultimately, God wins! Gosh, I think I'm in an early Easter mood.

By the way, this parking lot (pun intended) is not going to stay vacant for long. I'm going to learn how to drive!!! :D :D :D

The physiology of Jesus' crucifixion

2010-04-02T23:05:00.000+08:00

Last year this time, our YAG leader Paul shared with us this medical article surrounding Jesus' crucifixion on what actually happened to Him physically from a modern medical point of view, deduced by the very passages from the Bible. This year, I hope to pass on this to the readers of my blog, so that you may appreciate what Jesus has done for us during His last days.

As forewarned before the article, I would like to point out that the following is "of a realistic and graphic nature" and one may find it uncomfortable to digest.

It is important to understand from the beginning that Jesus would have been in excellent physical condition. As a carpenter by trade, He participated in physical labor. In addition, He spent much of His ministry traveling on foot across the countryside. His stamina and strength were, most likely, very well developed. With that in mind, it is clear just how much He suffered: If this torture could break a man in such good shape, it must have been a horrific experience.

After the Passover celebration, Jesus takes His disciples to Gethsemene to pray. During His anxious prayer about the events to come, Jesus sweats drops of blood. There is a rare medical condition called hemohedrosis, during which the capillary blood vessels that feed the sweat glands break down. Blood released from the vessels mixes with the sweat; therefore, the body sweats drops of blood. This condition results from mental anguish or high anxiety, a state Jesus expresses by praying “my soul is deeply grieved to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38). Hemohidrosis makes the skin tender, so Jesus’ physical condition worsens slightly.

Traveling from Pilate to Herod and back again, Jesus walks approximately two and a half miles. He has not slept, and He has been mocked and beaten (Luke 22:63-65). In addition, His skin remains tender from the hemohedrosis. His physical condition worsens.

Pilate orders Jesus to be flogged as required by Roman law before crucifixion Traditionally, the accused stood naked, and the flogging covered the area from the shoulders down to the upper legs. The whip consisted of several strips of leather. In the middle of the strips were metal balls that hit the skin, causing deep bruising. In addition, sheep bone was attached to the tips of each strip

When the bone makes contact with Jesus’ skin, it digs into His muscles, tearing out chunks of flesh and exposing the bone beneath. The flogging leaves the skin on Jesus’ back in long ribbons. By this point, He has lost a great volume of blood which causes His blood pressure to fall and puts Him into shock. The human body attempts to remedy imbalances such as decreased blood volume, so Jesus’ thirst is His body’s natural response to His suffering (John 19:28). If He would have drank water, His blood volume would have increased.

Roman soldiers place a crown of thorns on Jesus’ head and a robe on His back (Matthew 27:28-29). The robe helps the blood clot (similar to putting a piece of tissue on a cut from shaving) to prevent Jesus from sustaining more blood loss. As they hit Jesus in the head (Matthew 27:30), the thorns from the crown push into the skin and He begins bleeding profusely. The thorns also cause damage to the nerve that supplies the face, causing intense pain down His face and neck. As they mock Him, the soldiers also belittle Jesus by spitting on Him (Matthew 27:30). They rip the robe off Jesus’ back and the bleeding starts afresh.

Crucifixion was invented by the Persians between 300-400 B.C. It is quite possibly the most painful death ever invented by humankind. The English language derives the word “excruciating” from crucifixion, acknowledging it as a form of slow, painful suffering.1 Its punishment was reserved for slaves, foreigners, revolutionaries, and the vilest of criminals. Victims were nailed to a cross; however, Jesus’ cross was probably not the Latin cross (�), but rather a Tau cross (T). The vertical piece (the stipes) remains in the ground permanently. The accused carries only the horizontal piece (the patibulum) up the hill. Atop the patibulum lies a sign (the titulus), indicating that a formal trial occurred for a violation of the law. In Jesus’ case, this reads “This is the King of the Jews” (Luke 23:38).

The accused needed to be nailed to the patibulum while lying down, so Jesus is thrown to the ground, reopening His wounds, grinding in dirt, and causing bleeding. They nail His “hands” to the patibulum. The Greek meaning of “hands” includes the wrist. It is more likely that the nails went through Jesus’ wrists. If the nails were driven into the hand, the weight of the arms would cause the nail to rip through the soft flesh.

Therefore, the upper body would not be held to the cross. If placed in the wrist, the bones in the lower portion of the hand support the weight of the arms and the body remains nailed to the cross. The huge nail (seven to nine inches long)2 damages or severs the major nerve to the hand (the median nerve) upon impact. This causes continuous agonizing pain up both of Jesus’ arms.

Once the victim is secured, the guards lift the patibulum and place it on the stipes already in the ground. As it is lifted, Jesus’ full weight pulls down on His nailed wrists and His shoulders and elbows dislocate (Psalm 22:14).3 In this position, Jesus’ arms stretch to a minimum of six inches longer than their original length.

It is highly likely that Jesus’ feet were nailed through the tops as often pictured. In this position (with the knees flexed at approximately 90 degrees),4 the weight of the body pushes down on the nails and the ankles support the weight. The nails would not rip through the soft tissue as would have occurred with the hands. Again, the nail would cause severe nerve damage (it severs the dorsal pedal artery of the foot) and acute pain.

Normally, to breathe in, the diaphragm (the large muscle that separates the chest cavity from the abdominal cavity) must move down. This enlarges the chest cavity and air automatically moves into the lungs (inhalation). To exhale, the diaphragm rises up, which compresses the air in the lungs and forces the air out (exhalation). As Jesus hangs on the cross, the weight of His body pulls down on the diaphragm and the air moves into His lungs and remains there. Jesus must push up on His nailed feet (causing more pain) to exhale.

In order to speak, air must pass over the vocal cords during exhalation. The Gospels note that Jesus spoke seven times from the cross. It is amazing that despite His pain, He pushes up to say “Forgive them” (Luke 23:34).

The difficulty surrounding exhalation leads to a slow form of suffocation. Carbon dioxide builds up in the blood, resulting in a high level of carbonic acid in the blood. The body responds instinctively, triggering the desire to breathe. At the same time, the heart beats faster to circulate available oxygen. The decreased oxygen (due to the difficulty in exhaling) causes damage to the tissues and the capillaries begin leaking watery fluid from the blood into the tissues. This results in a build-up of fluid around the heart (pericardial effusion) and lungs (pleural effusion). The collapsing lungs, failing heart, dehydration, and the inability to get sufficient oxygen to the tissues essentially suffocate the victim.5 The decreased oxygen also damages the heart itself (myocardial infarction) which leads to cardiac arrest. In severe cases of cardiac stress, the heart can even burst, a process known as cardiac rupture.6 Jesus most likely died of a heart attack.

After Jesus’ death, the soldiers break the legs of the two criminals crucified alongside Him (John 19:32), causing suffocation. Death would then occur quicker. When they came to Jesus, He was already dead so they did not break His legs (John 19:33). Instead, the soldiers pierced His side (John 19:34) to assure that He was dead. In doing this, it is reported that “blood and water came out” (John 19:34), referring to the watery fluid surrounding the heart and lungs.

The author of this article, Dr. Cahleen Shrier, Ph.D, has this to comment:

While these unpleasant facts depict a brutal murder, the depth of Christ’s pain emphasizes the true extent of God’s love for His creation. Teaching the physiology of Christ’s crucifixion is a constant reminder of the magnificent demonstration of God’s love for humanity that was expressed that day in Calvary. This lesson enables me to participate in communion, the remembrance of His sacrifice, with a grateful heart. I am struck every time with the stunning realization that as a flesh and blood human, Jesus felt every ounce of this execution. What greater love than this can a man have for his friends?

It is, undoubtedly, a haunting read for Christians (even though half the time I don't know what I'm reading) and it's truly remarkable for Jesus to suffer like that just for us. As we commemerate Good Friday, let us think of how can we reciprocate His amazing love.

Good Friday rant

2010-04-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

My skin on my back is peeling profusely and screaming for help...

But I guess that's much better than what Jesus suffered 2000 years ago today.

Living the life

2010-03-28T23:44:00.004+08:00

Platoon cohesion went well today, at least from my point of view. Did interact with the men and commanders alike, and I could see they were all having fun, dunking people into the water (including me!!!) and trying to get people to get dunked. As usual, Jonathan was busy snapping pictures while the rest pretended he was invisible. Will post them here if I can get my hands on them. Thanks to the unrelenting sun today, my whole body is now the most tanned in years. My back and shoulders are now burning like hell, but I guess it's all worth it.

Still felt bad about leaving church halfway to attend platoon cohesion, but I probably had not much of a choice. The prerequisite to earning that all-important off is to attend, if not I wouldn't be here typing out this post, but probably already in bed back in camp. The critic could've argued that I've actually forsaken God's ministry for my personal gain. Indeed, I caused a lot of inconvenience by skipping the full-dress rehearsal for next week's evangelical event, all because I'm the soundman on Saturday. All the more I shouldn't shirk my responsibilities now. But then again, if the cohesion wasn't kinda compulsory, I wouldn't even bother to attend.

Talking about the evangelical event this Saturday, I've not actually asked anyone to attend or extended my invitations to anyone, Facebook or otherwise, although I've got a few people in mind, mostly army personnel. My concern is that my recent performance in camp hasn't been glorfying God, so it would be hypocritical to invite people to my church. To put it really bluntly, the church that moulded who I am now, which, to them, obviously has negative connotations. Nevertheless, I pray that God will give me wisdom to breach the subject to them, and for God to work in them thereafter.

It came to me just now if I'm living my life to glorify God. As I was heading back after cohesion, I got a place in the train while the aisle is quickly filled up. A few metres from me was an elderly lady, and I did contemplate whether to give up my seat to her, but eventually I stayed put, in part because the girl beside me didn't give up hers either - and hers was the priority seat! Moments later, the same girl happily gave up her seat to the lady, probably because she was too engrossed in conversation with her friend and only just noticed the lady. It was all I could do to feel remorseful and embrassed, and reflect about my ethics, or rather, my lack of it.

So here's my question:

Have I been living the life God wants me to?

Just as I reflected upon these verses from Revelation 2:1-5, which Jian Da introduced:

These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

Have I forsaken my first love, despite all I've done for God? Certainly the incident was enough for me to know the answer. I pray that God would use the Holy Spirit to keep reminding me, with every step I take and every breath I make. Thanks Joan and cell for the encouragement today, and I'll take it, but I also know what needs to be done needs to be done.

Still can't decide on whether to reapply university, and I only have 12 hours to do so. And thank God that this week's gonna be light - finally! So pray for me, and rest assured I'll also keep you guys in prayer.

Today is going to be a good day!

2010-03-27T15:45:00.004+08:00

Yesterday I know I wasn't in the best of moods, thus the slightly pessimisitic post. Alright, I was deprived of sleep, deprived of food and deprived of my freedom less than 24 hours ago. Plus I'm just back from another outfield - in fact, two this week. Okay, so I've booked out, and the weekend is here for me to enjoy, so I'll gladly take it anyday.

TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY!

Late breakfast with my brother, then pool-ed with him and caught up with him about his life. JC students nowadays are a stressed bunch, and it's no different with my brother. Will pray for him. Chatting with him isn't really interesting, but at least it got me going. Seems to me that he's still quite positive with his life, and it really made me wonder I should, too. Yeah.

AND I'M GOING TO BE HAPPY!

Who doesn't? It's book-out - despite a very late one - and I'm resolved to utilise it as much as possible. There's always great friends to look forward to. And there's church, where I'll reunite with my brothers and sisters in Christ - they're a great bunch! Then there's platoon cohesion tomorrow. That one ar... Er... Actually I'm willing to give it a shot, but I'll note my behaviour tomorrow. Well, the ball's not in my court anymore, so everything I do must be extra careful. And I'll earn an extra half-day off for that - THAT MEANS MONDAY BOOK-IN - so I guess I'll take it.

IT'S ALL SMILES FROM NOW ON!!! :)

And it's the time of the year when I'll reapply for my place in university. Last year I didn't really got what I wanted, and I don't know if I can get in this year. Still indecisive on whether to reapply, but thank God that I've already secured my place. Pray for me for a wise decision.

Till next time, God bless. :)

When will it end?

2010-03-26T23:34:00.000+08:00

When will all these end?

I'm not emo-ing. Just some food for thought.

P.S. Congratulations Manchester United on beating Liverpool!!! We're one step closer to that fourth consecutive title.

Perfection - Guy Sebastian

2010-03-21T20:13:00.002+08:00

As promised...

Peter can you gather the angels all around
I need everyone to get this down
This will not be easy 'cause what I'm asking for
Is something we have never tried before

Let's make a girl,
But not just any girl
She needs to be perfect, perfect
Add some beautiful, throw in some divine
She needs to define perfection
Don't forget the sugar
Make it so she's sweet from her head to her feet
Perfection

Go and get Picasso
He can paint her eyes
Michelangelo can paint her smile
And when we're finally finished I want nothing less
Than for all of us to stand here, breathless

Let's make a girl,
But not just any girl
She needs to be perfect, perfect
Add some beautiful, throw in some divine
She needs to define perfection
Don't forget the sugar
Make it so she's sweet from her head to her feet
Perfection

All the angels said can we keep her
She's so beautiful"
But God said someone down there needs her
And he can't live without her, without her

She's so beautiful, she's flawlessly divine
And yes she defines perfection
Please don't change a thing
It's obvious to me that what I see is perfection

When she's 21 she'll change somebody's life
When she's 28 she'll be his wife

Guy wrote this song for his wife. So sweet. Suddenly transported to Andrew's wedding yesterday. Anyway, hope I can sing this to my special one next time. Or write one for her. ;)

Nights out

2010-03-18T21:09:00.005+08:00

Back in the comforts of my home on a Thursday night, albeit only for a few hours, and finding my way back to Blogger. So here I am logging another post here. Don't have much time though; in an hour or so I'm going back and hopefully sleep my army blues away.

Anyway, I'm back from outfield (you must be wondering why I'm outfield so often) again and I'm trying to use the remaining of the week to really rest. Life in camp has been really hectic so I really look forward to this little break, and I thank God for giving me this time of rest. Still trying to lie low in camp for fear of offending anyone again, but other than that this week's been a breeze.

Don't know why but especially for the past few days, I've been fueled by some really wonderful music. I mean, music's always been an integral part of my emotions - and I dare say, my life - but everytime I plug onto my iPod these few days and I'll be transported into another realm. Especially when I'm listening Guy Sebastian's latest album Like It Like That and Zac Brown Band's (Grammy-award winning Best New Artist of the year, no less) The Foundation.

Guy's a real genius when it comes to writing and arrange his own songs, and his latest album is, by far, the best album I've listened this year. Very Big Band-ish, but once added with some real groove, an excellent concoction is produced. For music lovers out there, I recommend All To Myself and Perfection, the latter a real music masterpiece. And don't forget to check out the lyrics. Or maybe I'll post them some time soon.

Tomorrow's gonna be pretty relaxed, except for duty all through the night till Saturday morning. Glad that I'll still be out in time for Andrew's wedding, although I might not be able to go down early and help, as some have requested. Till then, God bless.

Book-in blues

2010-03-14T21:30:00.004+08:00

Don't really wanna book-in later... :'(

Okay. So I'm exaggerating a bit. But after spending a weekend full of music (which will always be my first love), having great fellowship with church friends, and finally a karaoke session, anyone would be hard-pressed to return to his/her workplace. Call it book-in blues.

Thank God Ang Shen cleared his doubts with us on Saturday afternoon, and I sense he's again close to accepting Christ as his personal saviour. This journey, for him, has been remarkably arduous, and I'm glad he's seeing the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. A big thank you to Zi Ang, who single-handedly argued with Ang Shen with all the questions worthy of being featured in a KI paper. I, on the other hand, couldn't handle the debate because I'm by far an emotional guy, not a logical one, if the personality test I took could be trusted.

Anyway, Demi Lovato has just admitted to a relationship with Joe Jonas. So there goes my crush (have I even told anyone about it?). I mean, she's beautiful, she's got personality, she can really sing (I used to daydream that I could duet with her), and most of all, she's Christian. That's one more reason not to book-in. Okay, seriously speaking, I've not been in any relationships - and not even close to one - so it's probably not my place to comment, or even to think of it. Just food for thought.

Oh, and if you're wondering, I'm still looking for that princess for me, but I guess I'll address about this some other time.

Keep me in prayer this week. Very physically-demanding as I see it. Yeah. And don't be surprised if I don't reply you in any way during the week; that mean's I'm away. Hope to see you guys during the weekend!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. - Isaiah 41:10

Army daze

2010-03-12T23:41:00.001+08:00

Outfield ended with the whole platoon achieving the highest test standards available, which meant good news and higher morale amongst us. I'm sure everyone is looking forward to some well-deserved rest - however little, I must admit - before a tough week ahead. As for me, this is even sweeter because this is my second chance to prove myself and I'm pretty satisfied.

It all started when I was told to replace Alan in Shane's detachment. The decisions were made by those hypocrites (trying to wean that word from my vocabulary but still that is the best word to describe them) alone when the plan was clearly to discuss with the commanders and that everybody must agree. In fact, one told me: "What's the problem with telling you late? Your PC only knew this half an hour ago, and given the difference in rank, you're considered fast to know about it already.". What the hell? Hey, this concerns MY LIFE, not theirs! Those buggers just like to ruin my day, and potentially my next 8 months.

Shane's been good since the change. All the while he's trying to encourage me from my setbacks, giving me advice to handle our men, asking me how I was doing constantly and stuff. And looking at things during outfield, I have absolutely no complaints (yet) about our detachment. If there was one positive that I could take away and thank God for, this is it. I mean, I'd rather work with Shane than some other bugger, right?

Supposed to plan some outing for cell, but booking out late - very late - means I don't have much time to plan one. I know we're long overdue on a proper outing, and in fact this would serve to celebrate both Jun Hao and Grace's birthdays. But hopefully no one would be unhappy about my last minute messages and plans.

Do I have a choice?

2010-03-09T22:28:00.002+08:00

What's the point of telling me about your plans for me when you've already gave me no choice but to suck thumb and accept?

Hate those hypocrites, trying to gain their benefits from others' - in this case, mine - misfortune.

Birthdays

2010-03-08T10:47:00.003+08:00

As I'm doodling on this post, the clock's ticking faster and faster to book-in. Ain't exactly a wonderful after a great weekend.

Celebrated two birthdays this weekend. The first was with Kenneth (whose birthday was on Wednesday) & Co. on Saturday. Also the first peek of Jeremiah after his enlistment; I must say, he's looking not bad for a recruit. Haha. Kenneth left early to watch Alice with his bunkmates, but with some twist of fate, Chin Loong, Jeremiah and I managed to buy tickets watching not only the same movie, same venue and timing, but also the same row! How's that for ~~fate~~coincidence?

Went to Jun Hao's birthday chalet yesterday. Attendance wise, it was definitely a blast. His friends from all walks of life came over to celebrate this joyous occasion with him, and he even ended up being thrown into the pool! Silvercross - me included, on guitar and backgrounds - performed Corrinne May's Birthday Song for our dear brother. At least for me, this was one performance - and probably my first - that I didn't cock up. And the atmosphere's great.

Regrettably, the lack of interaction with the guests, and even some of the church people, has left me with some kind of a void inside me. It resembles the kind of feeling I feel when I'm in camp. Gosh, what's become of me?

As always, my aim this week is still to survive in camp. Another outfield this week. And more work to come. But it's all I need to trust God for the next 5 days.

Disappointing life

2010-03-06T10:13:00.003+08:00

I've been thinking a lot this week, and it's becoming very apparent how incompetent I am in army. I don't have command and control over subordinates. I don't have good relationships with colleagues. I don't have the trust of my superiors. And I really don't have anything better to say; it's like I've already reached the nadir of my army life.

I know I'm a very emotional person, and even more so this week when I just thought of all the things that's been happening in my life. I've gotta admit, everything now is in pieces - this week I've just got news of my change in role which obviously counts as a demotion - and it seems that there's little chance for me to fix everything back to one piece. Even if I do, the previous cracks would have been obvious. Yes, I know I should be relying on God and not men now, but my faith is as weak as I could possibly be.

Sometimes, I just feel that, in a bunk of 12, I'm living in a world of my own while the rest of the 11 lives on another planet on their own. There is almost no attachment to them already, and if I could imagine what they're thinking, I would think that they wouldn't help me with my work, wouldn't care what's going on with me, wouldn't even give a damn about me. Especially when I actually ignored the instigator of that big incident when I booked in, and it is apparent that it has not gone well in my favour when I wasn't around.

I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST AN UTTER FAILURE.

Hope seems bleak, but thank God for Jian Da who's given me some reassurance this week when I discussed His Word with him. But I guess I need more. Things have become so ugly that I need that extra bit of confidence in me. For now, I'll just take this book-out as a rest for me. Many birthdays coming up, and I wanna have fun celebrating them, and not thinking about how screwed army has become. I just pray that God would allow me the rest He promised when people who are weary - like me - come to Him.

Well, there's never been a stronger urge to ORD now than ever before.

Be victorious

2010-02-27T11:53:00.004+08:00

Went to youth prayer meeting yesterday since I booked out early yesterday. We paired up with someone to share and confess our sins before each other and, of course, God. Paired with Glen and told him everything that's happened last week. He seemed to think that it's just another attack from the devil (that's so rampant in the army) aimed at believers, but of course I thought otherwise.

However, he gave me this word of advice below from the Bible, which I think makes sense, and said that I need not feel inferior for what I've already done - either last week or for the entire year - since we've already been freed from the clutches of sin. All we need to do is to proclaim that this clutch off us everyday and be victorious.

Romans 8:1-4 says:

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the life-giving Spirit in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. For God achieved what the law could not do because it was weakened through the flesh. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and concerning sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, so that the righteous requirement of the law may be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

Glen mentioned that the Spirit wouldn't just leave you with one sin you've committed. The Spirit will continue to linger and give you the guidance you need. And he's got a point: the Holy Spirit is our Counselor and Comforter, and will more likely help you than forsake you in times of weakness. So now everyone can enjoy this grace, not only from Jesus Christ, but also the Holy Spirit. How wonderful!

Anyway, I'm gonna leave home for worship practice in the afternoon, and I really look forward to reunite with the youth band and get some respite after what had been a trying week, for me at least. Pray for my voice, which is still sore right now, and also for the youth band. It's at its infancy, but I'm pretty impressed with their skills till now. All glory to God for that!

And before I forget, pray for Glen, who's leaving today for Malaysia to learn to build guitars. How cool is that? And for his spiritual life when he leaves Singapore, that he'll be able to continually mediate on God's Word. I believe he'll come back with a lot more experiences and testimonies to share.

A little shoutout to DJ, who's posted to become a technician and I wish him all the best for his future endeavours! :)

This is it

2010-02-26T23:00:00.004+08:00

Early book out today!

Just back from a physically and mentally trying 4-day outfield. Can't go into specifics if that's what's gonna get myself into trouble. What I will say, though, is that the weather is really killing all of us - rain, shine and the wind. It was not till this morning when I discovered that this February is the hottest on record in Singapore. And I'm afraid it's more bad news: The heat is forecasted to continue till June. Damn.

Of course, I did get a BIG thrashing after booking in for last week's incident. Alarm was sounded, as expected, so there was nothing I could do about it. I guess I could only hold my head down and just take anything that comes my way, and in truth, I deserved it. Hope I don't lose a friend, or at the least a cooperative colleague, and I'll do everything I can to re-establish this.

But I guess this is the way it is. Case closed.

Foot rot didn't improve, especially after outfield. In fact, my right leg got so bad that I'm estimating three-quarters of my sole has been peeled off. Wanted to report sick today but I've gotta join in the platoon maintenance. Maybe I will on Monday. LOL!

Pray for me for leading worship on Sunday. I really need to get my life in check, or else I don't think I can glorify God on stage. And for my voice too, which I think I'm losing after the physically draining week. Gotta stop eating heaty stuff tomorrow already.

God bless you all. :)

Working

2010-02-21T18:01:00.002+08:00

Oh, and I can't believe I replied "做工" when asked what am I currently doing when the majority answered "读书" and Ang Shen replied "保卫国家" afterwards.

Disappointments

2010-02-21T17:14:00.002+08:00

It's nearly 2 hours away from my book-in and with what I've gone through last week and during the weekend, I really don't feel like booking in. Not that I like book-ins usually, but today's especially tough for me. All those disappointments added up... it's as if I'm a pressure cooker building up steam and I don't know when I'll just explode.

Went for steamboat yesterday at Bugis area with my cell + some youth band people, including my brother, and we had a really good time eating and catching up with each other. In fact, I think it's probably the most satisfying meal I've had in months. But the conversation quickly turned to the recent disappointment of our cell blog. I know Joan, Jun Hao and I put in a great deal of effort to keep the blog going, but it's just quite disappointed that we don't see members posting and commenting on posts. At least I heard Ang Shen and Sze En will be trying to access this week, and *fingers crossed* I hope to see new posts made by them.

And if any of my cell members are reading this, let me just add: even though our cell (at least the leaders) view this blog as an avenue for our fellowship and an impetus for our unity, I think we should not be too bothered about the performance of the blog and affect our spiritual relationship with God. After all, a blog is still a blog, and it's not these worldly "possessions" we yearn for. Having said that, I really hope we can make it a point to update our members via the blog.

Booking in early today to prepare for outfield tomorrow (darn, how I hate that word). And if that's not enough, I wonder how I'll face my fellow bunkmates and look them in the eye when I book in later. Pray to God that I need the extra ounce of strength this week, not only for outfield but also to deal with the fallout later. And I pray that the worship songs I'm leading next week will be my guide for the next 5 days; they always do.

As for now, delight in God's Word: I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. - Philippians 4:13.

I have sinned

2010-02-19T21:45:00.001+08:00

As I scan through the archives of my blog (which, as I have mentioned, is kept in a secret place), I can't help but wonder how optimistic - and probably naïve - I was on this particular post. Here's an excerpt:

Military life needs some adjustment to, and although I must say I haven't done a really good job in adjusting to the new lifestyle, I believe I can come out tops of it, and when I look back in future, I can proudly say "yes I did it!"

In contrast, I didn't really enjoy BMT in the end, and from my point of view I certainly didn't excel in it. In fact, I was all prepared to be posted as a man after my Tekong stint, so it definitely came as a pleasant surprise when I got posted to command school instead. Now that my training is over and assumed leadership for some time now, things aren't exactly looking up for me and I think it's high time to reflect.

A little while ago, a Christian superior approached me and noted I'm actually "failing in my roles" and there may be "little hope" for me. Like a wake-up call it hit me hard that actually I may subconsciously offend many through my actions and attitude, and I sincerely apologise to anyone who I may have offended one way or another. So at the turn of the year, I've vowed to be a better soldier, and thank God He allowed me to perform better. For one, superiors don't really reprimand me or come to me looking for trouble anymore. However, it remains that work is needed to patch up relationships between me and my colleagues.

What happened this week just proves my point. When I booked in on Wednesday I had forgot to bring my PT shoes back (another shortcoming I must try and improve on), and my bunkmate Xinhui had kindly lent me his extra pair - despite being 1½ sizes smaller - knowing that I'll be in trouble if I wear some other footwear. It's my fault that I didn't tell him that I suffered from foot rot, and of course he was furious when he knew about it. This incident has definitely made Xinhui bitter towards me, and to be honest, I deserved it. It is unlikely that he - or any of my army mates, for this matter - will read this, but I still want to apologise for this. To make matters worse, the subsequent fallout this morning has made me wonder how will I book in on Sunday unscathed.

I think it's time I could not - and should not - mask my life on this blog and make readers think my life is smooth-sailing. We humans are imperfect and I have my fair share of shortcomings that are rampant in my life. The important thing is, then, to learn from mistakes and not repeat them, and I hope this blog is a way you guys can guide me too. As my aforementioned Christian superior would tell me later: "It is when you're at your weakest that God lift you up", and I pray that God would allow such a miracle into my life.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I'm sorry that I've sinned and have not glorified You much. Lord, I pray that You open my eyes and my heart, so that I can be more sensitive to the people around me and truly be the salt and light of this world. Mould me in Your way, refine me in Your fire so that my character will be more like You. I pray that my life from now on will be a pleasing sacrifice to You.

In Jesus' most precious Name, Amen!

A new beginning

2010-02-17T18:04:00.003+08:00

I think the time has come for me to continue where I left off and keep posting on my blog. After struggling through the last year or so having no incentive to post, it is now up to me to find time - probably during weekends - to maintain this baby of mine. I've seen friends and people using blogs to great effect and I really hope to emulate them.

As you may have noticed, I'm starting on a clean slate (with a new template to boot!) and posting back from scratch. I've decided to archive my previous posts somewhere else so that I'll not be influenced by the feelings I've previously posted. The past year has been trying with all the army commitments - and made my fair share of mistakes and regrets - so the time has come for me to start anew. Hope to renew my passion for God here too, as others have done so on their own blogs.

Before I forget, happy Chinese New Year to all (or old) readers from yours truly!

God bless you all!